Quote of the day

“Self love is a never ending romance”

Love,

Sarsi.R.Tads

Being strong!!!!

“Never cease to breathe

when calamities besiege you

Never blame your birth

when people deceive you”

 

 

cheers,

sparklingcastleblogs

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How to handle a toxic family member(holiday time)

P.s-Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful and understanding family.Sometimes it’s the other way round but there is always a key to every puzzle…..The below suggestions will undoubtedly help you to handle and how to get yourself involved yet disconnected in those toxic situations.

CASE 1

Its been a month that I had met Elena(she is my close friend from my previous work place)……dressed up in her all time favorite best coral pink blazer with her infectious happy smile…..I saw her walking towards me with a big happy broad affable grin on her face.But I could sense something was dubious when she hugged me….Being raised as a  youngest daughter in her family she is a sensitive,quiet and emotional kid raised by a toxic narcissist mother.

Even after getting happily married to the love of her life,extremely successful in her career she still grapple from the noxious fumes soaring out of her bruised toxic relation with her mother.

Even after many sessions of counselling with the family counselor her mother’s never ending criticism,breaking the boundaries with her emotional quirks and judging about her daughters financial income has become very stressful and exasperate for her to handle.

CASE 2-

“Honey you are not so efficient,you dropped out of your college because you could not handle it,you are not like your brother  (The all time successful golden child)”

Christine has done her bachelors in medicine,she is a good student and always wanted to pursue her masters….finally when her husband promised her to help with her educational finances (only on the term she would pay him back)she was immensely happy for her dream.With high spirits and hopeful anticipations she attended her two semesters despite of all the hustle bustle.

But suddenly she dropped out of her college and vanished entirely from the sight.

When I met her at a reunion she pointed out an interesting element in our conversation that…….she was not so upset that she couldn’t continue her studies but the zenith agony was her parents’s hurtful behavior and derogatory comments that she failed in her life.

The only thing she told me was-

“She dropped out of the college not because she couldn’t handle the stress(The misconception her mother seeded in her self deeply)…its only because she could not handle the finances for her college”

CASE 3-

Eva is raised in a religious family from childhood.she has a sibling who never miss a single opportunity to mock and twist the words and throw back and disrespect her.Confessing with her parents never ease or help her situation.She was bullied emotionally and presume that she deserves to be treated that way.

There could be hundreds of scenarios like these but if you analyse carefully these 3 people’s life and when I asked them the only question “Do you hate your family……For treating you so meanly????”

The only answer they told me firmly was “NO” but they are upset about the influence of its grey shades on their personal life.

We often come across flocks of suggestions on how to deal with a toxic parent/toxic family/Toxic siblings…….Despite of setting the boundaries and failing in dealing with the concept of estrangement and counselling,loving friends support and hell lot of options I would like to suggest you 3 most successful and effective proven ways to handle toxic family member when you really cannot cut the ties completely.

1-LESS COMMUNICATION-

“They give you shit because you take that shit”

It’s a brutal honest truth,no matter even if you agree or not.Start implementing this method from now on…..duration of your contact is a key factor in determining your existing ball game.

Cut down the duration of contact and try to minimize the amount of entertaining their conversations…..it will work,this is damn validly effective….. just give it a try and notice the difference.

2-SHUT DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS-

Be polite and shut down your thought process.Once you realize and conclude that you wanted the toxic family member in your life and guard yourself from their vengeance,one of the best option is to cease down your neural processes.

Next time if they try to communicate nonsense discussions allow your inner voice to buzz SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN.

Arguments  and discussions with toxic people mostly never work as you can conclude from your previous experiences.

Consciously command your own self that their perceptions will not sabotage your inner peace and don’t take their words seriously.

3-POP OUT FROM YOUR MIRACLE BUBBLE-

Stop anticipating that things will change and everything will be perfect someday.You are lucky enough if it happens but if doesn’t then you really need to get a grip on yourself.They haven’t changed since many long years…..the probability of your toxic family changing is minute zero percentage.So never allow yourself to fall into false assumptions……get a grip on yourself……family is a term which is sometimes over exaggerated and over-hyped.

It’s perfectly fine to distance your self from toxic people even if they are your own family.

“Just because your toxic parent/toxic sibling is behaving meanly doesn’t mean that they can define who you are.It is painful and vulnerable sometimes of course but remember you always have an option to choose or at worst strive to minimise their influences on you.Remember you can never control their actions but you always have the ability to control your reaction”

Cheers,

Sparklingcastleblogs

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The grace of forgiveness!!!!

“If we really want to love,We must learn how to forgive”-Mother Theresa

“To err is human;to forgive is divine”-Alexander pope

How beautifully they have quoted forgiveness with a significant meaning ???

Yes I know that forgiveness is something attributed to strong people and you need to forgive them(people who hurt you)not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace.

Now what about forgiving your bullies who gave you some painful memories,how do you forgive your ex who broke your heart into pieces???people who hurt,degrade and mock you???your loved partner  who cheated you in a relationship or marriage that you have invested your life in it???

Is it so simple to let go off  your anger,guilt,pain,hurt,rage and resentments that you hold on to after a betrayal episode and awful life experience???

Carrying and holding onto your past burdens on your shoulders and stepping into the future is obviously similar to standing in a hurricane by holding an umbrella and anticipating that no destruction happens.

Letting go off  all the hurt and anger  that has been suppressing and haunting you and taking the powerful  forward step to forgive and  move on with your own  life is one of the best blessing that you could gift your own self.

But how do we do that???why should we do that???

Before we do that we need to know the benefits of forgiveness…… you foremost have to understand the concept of forgiving.Always remember that to forgive you perpetrator does not imply that you need to call  or contact them and let them know that you have forgiven their mistakes.Because in most of the circumstances the person who hurt you is least bothered about your feelings or may be you are not in contact and you are certainly aware of it apparently.

Forgiveness is a freedom from all the distress and misery that you have been suffered  by removing stress and negativity bound to the situation from your life sequentially.It is a transformational process for your self like self healing,it will never happen in one night……. it takes time and you should be willing to embrace and accept it.

“Let your pain become your power and use your hurtful experience to empower you in a positive direction and if you are strong enough to forget it….its wonderful and if you cannot erase those resentments there is no sin in holding on to them….but what is the purpose of freezing them to your self???

Today right now as you are reading this blog if you have some one that hurt you or suffered you……try to forgive the situation….let go off the agony,anger and hatred that is chained to your self and…..not because they deserve it…..because you damn need it….it does not make you superior individual nor egoistic than your perpetrator it only indicates that you are giving yourself the freedom of peace…..freedom that you deserve.You can not change the past where you suffered but you always have all the power with in yourself to embrace and learn from it and the choice is always yours,if you are mature enough to place yourself in your opponent shoes and re analyse the circumstance……do it….. and if you are unable to do that……all you can do is learn from it and let it help you to grow as an individual in a progressive way “

cheers,

sparklingcastleblogs

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How to increase your blog traffic????

How to increase your blog traffic is something that bugs most of the bloggers,despite some really good content that you have written in your blog and all your sincere efforts that you have applied to publish your writing,a single like and a comment from your fellow reader is comprehensively worthy to a successful blog.

To grow your blogging community here are few really interesting and effective proven ways to increase your blog traffic-

1-Meaningful content-

Have you ever wonder that even after publishing 20 posts your number of followers do not increase,regardless of numbers always remember “Quality matters most than quantity”.Don’t get disheartened if they are no followers,appreciate yourself foremost to taking that first step to write a blog,trust me writing isn’t funny nor easy job,not everybody can write….it takes practice to master it and if your consistent with it you can achieve hell lot of followers….leave about followers the most outstanding thing all  you can do is to touch some one’s life and who knows may be your words can influence them in a positive and effective way.Be consistent in publishing your blogs.The more you publish the more possibilities of reaching different sectors of people.

2-Your followers are your readers-

Let me mind you cautiously I believe followers are not some one who just follow your blog randomly.They are your readers and despite of their busy lives they take time to read your blog and comment ,So always be kind enough to reply back to your readers and spend some of your time in reading other people’s blog and leaving some meaningful comments on their blogs.This technique works effectively balance it carefully,here I don’t suggest you to comment on everyone blog to achieve followers it really does not work that way,people are smart enough to find it out.They are is always a great advantage in reading other people’s blog,you get to know lot of information on different perspectives of life and they are also some really great poets who writes some wonderful poetry worth every second of your time in word press trust me.

3-Share your content-

What is the use of having great content and failing to reach everyone.Try to make use of twitter, Instagram,Facebook and other social media to publish your blog.Promote your content to new readers by the use of these sites regularly.

4-Add images and videos if required

5-use tags carefully and adding tags doubtlessly helps you to reach lot of users and let your blog displayed in google search engines too.

6-Be patient-

Last but never the least have some patience and over night success generally never happens only if you are damn lucky.So keep working and everything will fall into place gradually.Your efforts will never go unnoticed.

Have a wonderful day,

Cheers,

sparklingcastleblogs

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Key to a happy life!!!!!

We as humans keep on searching the key to a happy life in all the possible ways,some people believe happiness is God,family,Religion,having good paying job,kids,serving the community,Good health,Succesful business,happy marriage……it all depends upon different perspectives and people’s own perceptions.

But what exactly is happiness??

Where do we find it??

I am really not going to bug you by telling that happiness is something deep with in yourself and all you need is just ignite it….blah blah blah…nope.

Do you know a five decades of scientific research that has been trying to find out the root cause to happiness in a human life astonishingly published the secret to happiness is “RELATIONSHIP”

Yes a meaningful relationship is the core conclusion to your life.

No matter how much you earn,how much you succeed,how famous you are…..it can never be proportionate to a meaningful loving,caring and a supportive relationship.

A fulfilled life is all about a fulfilling relationship.

This relationship does not imply to having the quantity of people,it is the quality of people you have in your life.Sense of having a healthy relationship improves your life in many ways.Lack of social relationships have a great impact in deteriorating one’s own health similar to smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

So the quick take away I wanted to share with you is-

1-No body remembers your number of presentations,your materialistic possessions,your career or the money you have earned on the day of your death.All they remember is the impact you have created in their life.

How many life’s have you touched ???

2-Cherish your relationships,it might be having an understanding partner,beautiful family,caring sibling,lovable friend,a well wisher ,supportive children,or a beautiful dog,no matter who it is…….cherish them and appreciate that you are blessed to have at least some one in your life.Be grateful and content.

3-Be kind to people you meet…..we never know what their story is all about.Your simple kindhearted smile may influence their hopeless day.

4-Don’t get influenced by the standards of society dictating your happiness and stop framing having bunch of people around you and partying all time is the image that you have to portray for a so called happy life.A meaningful conversation with your loved ones in a coffee shop is way more influential to your life than faking selfies with a group of people.

5-Finally remember the best relationship in this world is the relationship you have with your own self.

Be self sufficient and not self centered it will undeniably influence the way you look at life.Let me mind you “Your state of happiness is influenced by your thoughts no matter what circumstances you are in” so influence your thoughts in a positive way and lead a happy life.

“Deep meaningful relationship is the key to a happy life……”

cheers,

sparklingcastleblogs

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5 hacks for peaceful Marriage !!!!

Damn why did I marry her???

I would have worked my relationship with my ex….may be we would end up in a beautiful marriage….Why did I screw it up??

(If you really loved your ex….she would had never become your ex….if you really wanted that relationship….you would have never give upon that love…the sooner you realize the better it is for you)

My parents told me I would never be happy with you….but still I married you….I know this is one of the biggest mistake of my life!!!!

There is no more love in our marriage….there is no spark  in our relationship!!!!

Your mother’s sister’s relative was mean to me on the day of our marriage but still I married you!! {lol}

We all play this blame game with our partner when ever they upset/hurt us….A perfect marriage is not about the fancy vacations to Italy or that hot couple pose in Instagram nor a sunset walk around the medieval city….A perfect marriage is not what you see on social media or in the movies….it requires hell lot of involvement and hard work….and we all heard about it but we still ignore it and create a chaos in our life’s sometimes.

Marriage is one of the most wonderful yet overstated relation in this world….

5 tips for a real marriage-

1-Famous sentences like”Happily ever after”and “Till death do us apart” are the most exaggerated statements that revolved around us since childhood.No body in this world can be drenched in love and happiness 24/7 with each other and practically it does not work in that manner and to be very honest you are not bound to do that.After all we have conflicts in our own mind sometimes and we do hate ourselves at times ,so stop falling into the trap of heavenly marriage concept assuming that your partner would salvage you from hurricane of distress.

2It’s not about how much you fight…. it is all about how fast you resolve.

Arguments and disagreements are part of any close relationship,we do have conflicts with our friends,parents and colleagues too.But the severity of the situation depends upon how deep is our relation with the other person,as we are very close to our partner we do react in a greater extent  because we expect and we love them but you also need to realize that the faster you resolve the brighter your life is.

3-Compromising doesn’t mean giving upon your own self.Sometimes marriage is about compromises and conscious sacrifices too,but being pragmatic that it would benefit your family and yourself in a flourishing way in the near future is something you need to think about.But constant sacrifices from only one partner are not suggestible….then comes to your rescue is the saver “Negotiation”.Yes negotiating is an effective process of communication to convey your feelings with your partner by exposing your intentions with out hurting both the parties.

4-Grow together and flourish together.

This is one of the most eminent tip for any successful marriage.To emphasize this statement briefly you need to acknowledge and evolve for one another gradually in a constructive way.Giving space and complimenting for each other’s success and failures is the key to any happy relationship.Celebrating and supporting mutually will enhance the marriage in a rewarding manner.

5-Never entertain the third party

Most of the couples commit mistake by degrading your partner in front of your family,friends and close people.Remember humiliating your partner is also about downgrading your own self,no body is bloody perfect in this world….we all have our own imperfections so before you judge and form your opinions its always suggestible to think twice.Every relationship has issues……….its all about your way to communicate and sort out the differences with out letting the third person involving in your marriage(which sometimes is unavoidable in extreme scenarios)

“All I wanted to tell you is that though its exaggerated……. marriage is one of the most beautiful bond in this world,it requires constant effort,participation,inspiration,compromises everything……. but when you realize its importance that you got one annoying person who humiliates,love,care,understand,ignore,fight,cry,confuse,have children,who grows old with you………..that is one of the best enriched feeling in this world”

Cheers,

sparklingscastlblogs

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