Being strong!!!!

“Never cease to breathe

when calamities besiege you

Never blame your birth

when people deceive you”














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How to handle a toxic family member(holiday time)

P.s-Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful and understanding family.Sometimes it’s the other way round but there is always a key to every puzzle…..The below suggestions will undoubtedly help you to handle and how to get yourself involved yet disconnected in those toxic situations.


Its been a month that I had met Elena(she is my close friend from my previous work place)……dressed up in her all time favorite best coral pink blazer with her infectious happy smile…..I saw her walking towards me with a big happy broad affable grin on her face.But I could sense something was dubious when she hugged me….Being raised as a  youngest daughter in her family she is a sensitive,quiet and emotional kid raised by a toxic narcissist mother.

Even after getting happily married to the love of her life,extremely successful in her career she still grapple from the noxious fumes soaring out of her bruised toxic relation with her mother.

Even after many sessions of counselling with the family counselor her mother’s never ending criticism,breaking the boundaries with her emotional quirks and judging about her daughters financial income has become very stressful and exasperate for her to handle.


“Honey you are not so efficient,you dropped out of your college because you could not handle it,you are not like your brother  (The all time successful golden child)”

Christine has done her bachelors in medicine,she is a good student and always wanted to pursue her masters….finally when her husband promised her to help with her educational finances (only on the term she would pay him back)she was immensely happy for her dream.With high spirits and hopeful anticipations she attended her two semesters despite of all the hustle bustle.

But suddenly she dropped out of her college and vanished entirely from the sight.

When I met her at a reunion she pointed out an interesting element in our conversation that…….she was not so upset that she couldn’t continue her studies but the zenith agony was her parents’s hurtful behavior and derogatory comments that she failed in her life.

The only thing she told me was-

“She dropped out of the college not because she couldn’t handle the stress(The misconception her mother seeded in her self deeply)…its only because she could not handle the finances for her college”


Eva is raised in a religious family from childhood.she has a sibling who never miss a single opportunity to mock and twist the words and throw back and disrespect her.Confessing with her parents never ease or help her situation.She was bullied emotionally and presume that she deserves to be treated that way.

There could be hundreds of scenarios like these but if you analyse carefully these 3 people’s life and when I asked them the only question “Do you hate your family……For treating you so meanly????”

The only answer they told me firmly was “NO” but they are upset about the influence of its grey shades on their personal life.

We often come across flocks of suggestions on how to deal with a toxic parent/toxic family/Toxic siblings…….Despite of setting the boundaries and failing in dealing with the concept of estrangement and counselling,loving friends support and hell lot of options I would like to suggest you 3 most successful and effective proven ways to handle toxic family member when you really cannot cut the ties completely.


“They give you shit because you take that shit”

It’s a brutal honest truth,no matter even if you agree or not.Start implementing this method from now on…..duration of your contact is a key factor in determining your existing ball game.

Cut down the duration of contact and try to minimize the amount of entertaining their conversations… will work,this is damn validly effective….. just give it a try and notice the difference.


Be polite and shut down your thought process.Once you realize and conclude that you wanted the toxic family member in your life and guard yourself from their vengeance,one of the best option is to cease down your neural processes.

Next time if they try to communicate nonsense discussions allow your inner voice to buzz SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN.

Arguments  and discussions with toxic people mostly never work as you can conclude from your previous experiences.

Consciously command your own self that their perceptions will not sabotage your inner peace and don’t take their words seriously.


Stop anticipating that things will change and everything will be perfect someday.You are lucky enough if it happens but if doesn’t then you really need to get a grip on yourself.They haven’t changed since many long years…..the probability of your toxic family changing is minute zero percentage.So never allow yourself to fall into false assumptions……get a grip on yourself……family is a term which is sometimes over exaggerated and over-hyped.

It’s perfectly fine to distance your self from toxic people even if they are your own family.

“Just because your toxic parent/toxic sibling is behaving meanly doesn’t mean that they can define who you are.It is painful and vulnerable sometimes of course but remember you always have an option to choose or at worst strive to minimise their influences on you.Remember you can never control their actions but you always have the ability to control your reaction”



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The grace of forgiveness!!!!

“If we really want to love,We must learn how to forgive”-Mother Theresa

“To err is human;to forgive is divine”-Alexander pope

How beautifully they have quoted forgiveness with a significant meaning ???

Yes I know that forgiveness is something attributed to strong people and you need to forgive them(people who hurt you)not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace.

Now what about forgiving your bullies who gave you some painful memories,how do you forgive your ex who broke your heart into pieces???people who hurt,degrade and mock you???your loved partner  who cheated you in a relationship or marriage that you have invested your life in it???

Is it so simple to let go off  your anger,guilt,pain,hurt,rage and resentments that you hold on to after a betrayal episode and awful life experience???

Carrying and holding onto your past burdens on your shoulders and stepping into the future is obviously similar to standing in a hurricane by holding an umbrella and anticipating that no destruction happens.

Letting go off  all the hurt and anger  that has been suppressing and haunting you and taking the powerful  forward step to forgive and  move on with your own  life is one of the best blessing that you could gift your own self.

But how do we do that???why should we do that???

Before we do that we need to know the benefits of forgiveness…… you foremost have to understand the concept of forgiving.Always remember that to forgive you perpetrator does not imply that you need to call  or contact them and let them know that you have forgiven their mistakes.Because in most of the circumstances the person who hurt you is least bothered about your feelings or may be you are not in contact and you are certainly aware of it apparently.

Forgiveness is a freedom from all the distress and misery that you have been suffered  by removing stress and negativity bound to the situation from your life sequentially.It is a transformational process for your self like self healing,it will never happen in one night……. it takes time and you should be willing to embrace and accept it.

“Let your pain become your power and use your hurtful experience to empower you in a positive direction and if you are strong enough to forget it….its wonderful and if you cannot erase those resentments there is no sin in holding on to them….but what is the purpose of freezing them to your self???

Today right now as you are reading this blog if you have some one that hurt you or suffered you……try to forgive the situation….let go off the agony,anger and hatred that is chained to your self and…..not because they deserve it…..because you damn need it….it does not make you superior individual nor egoistic than your perpetrator it only indicates that you are giving yourself the freedom of peace…..freedom that you deserve.You can not change the past where you suffered but you always have all the power with in yourself to embrace and learn from it and the choice is always yours,if you are mature enough to place yourself in your opponent shoes and re analyse the circumstance……do it….. and if you are unable to do that……all you can do is learn from it and let it help you to grow as an individual in a progressive way “



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How to increase your blog traffic????

How to increase your blog traffic is something that bugs most of the bloggers,despite some really good content that you have written in your blog and all your sincere efforts that you have applied to publish your writing,a single like and a comment from your fellow reader is comprehensively worthy to a successful blog.

To grow your blogging community here are few really interesting and effective proven ways to increase your blog traffic-

1-Meaningful content-

Have you ever wonder that even after publishing 20 posts your number of followers do not increase,regardless of numbers always remember “Quality matters most than quantity”.Don’t get disheartened if they are no followers,appreciate yourself foremost to taking that first step to write a blog,trust me writing isn’t funny nor easy job,not everybody can write….it takes practice to master it and if your consistent with it you can achieve hell lot of followers….leave about followers the most outstanding thing all  you can do is to touch some one’s life and who knows may be your words can influence them in a positive and effective way.Be consistent in publishing your blogs.The more you publish the more possibilities of reaching different sectors of people.

2-Your followers are your readers-

Let me mind you cautiously I believe followers are not some one who just follow your blog randomly.They are your readers and despite of their busy lives they take time to read your blog and comment ,So always be kind enough to reply back to your readers and spend some of your time in reading other people’s blog and leaving some meaningful comments on their blogs.This technique works effectively balance it carefully,here I don’t suggest you to comment on everyone blog to achieve followers it really does not work that way,people are smart enough to find it out.They are is always a great advantage in reading other people’s blog,you get to know lot of information on different perspectives of life and they are also some really great poets who writes some wonderful poetry worth every second of your time in word press trust me.

3-Share your content-

What is the use of having great content and failing to reach everyone.Try to make use of twitter, Instagram,Facebook and other social media to publish your blog.Promote your content to new readers by the use of these sites regularly.

4-Add images and videos if required

5-use tags carefully and adding tags doubtlessly helps you to reach lot of users and let your blog displayed in google search engines too.

6-Be patient-

Last but never the least have some patience and over night success generally never happens only if you are damn lucky.So keep working and everything will fall into place gradually.Your efforts will never go unnoticed.

Have a wonderful day,



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Key to a happy life!!!!!

We as humans keep on searching the key to a happy life in all the possible ways,some people believe happiness is God,family,Religion,having good paying job,kids,serving the community,Good health,Succesful business,happy marriage……it all depends upon different perspectives and people’s own perceptions.

But what exactly is happiness??

Where do we find it??

I am really not going to bug you by telling that happiness is something deep with in yourself and all you need is just ignite it….blah blah blah…nope.

Do you know a five decades of scientific research that has been trying to find out the root cause to happiness in a human life astonishingly published the secret to happiness is “RELATIONSHIP”

Yes a meaningful relationship is the core conclusion to your life.

No matter how much you earn,how much you succeed,how famous you are… can never be proportionate to a meaningful loving,caring and a supportive relationship.

A fulfilled life is all about a fulfilling relationship.

This relationship does not imply to having the quantity of people,it is the quality of people you have in your life.Sense of having a healthy relationship improves your life in many ways.Lack of social relationships have a great impact in deteriorating one’s own health similar to smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

So the quick take away I wanted to share with you is-

1-No body remembers your number of presentations,your materialistic possessions,your career or the money you have earned on the day of your death.All they remember is the impact you have created in their life.

How many life’s have you touched ???

2-Cherish your relationships,it might be having an understanding partner,beautiful family,caring sibling,lovable friend,a well wisher ,supportive children,or a beautiful dog,no matter who it is…….cherish them and appreciate that you are blessed to have at least some one in your life.Be grateful and content.

3-Be kind to people you meet…..we never know what their story is all about.Your simple kindhearted smile may influence their hopeless day.

4-Don’t get influenced by the standards of society dictating your happiness and stop framing having bunch of people around you and partying all time is the image that you have to portray for a so called happy life.A meaningful conversation with your loved ones in a coffee shop is way more influential to your life than faking selfies with a group of people.

5-Finally remember the best relationship in this world is the relationship you have with your own self.

Be self sufficient and not self centered it will undeniably influence the way you look at life.Let me mind you “Your state of happiness is influenced by your thoughts no matter what circumstances you are in” so influence your thoughts in a positive way and lead a happy life.

“Deep meaningful relationship is the key to a happy life……”




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5 hacks for peaceful Marriage !!!!

Damn why did I marry her???

I would have worked my relationship with my ex….may be we would end up in a beautiful marriage….Why did I screw it up??

(If you really loved your ex….she would had never become your ex….if you really wanted that relationship….you would have never give upon that love…the sooner you realize the better it is for you)

My parents told me I would never be happy with you….but still I married you….I know this is one of the biggest mistake of my life!!!!

There is no more love in our marriage….there is no spark  in our relationship!!!!

Your mother’s sister’s relative was mean to me on the day of our marriage but still I married you!! {lol}

We all play this blame game with our partner when ever they upset/hurt us….A perfect marriage is not about the fancy vacations to Italy or that hot couple pose in Instagram nor a sunset walk around the medieval city….A perfect marriage is not what you see on social media or in the movies….it requires hell lot of involvement and hard work….and we all heard about it but we still ignore it and create a chaos in our life’s sometimes.

Marriage is one of the most wonderful yet overstated relation in this world….

5 tips for a real marriage-

1-Famous sentences like”Happily ever after”and “Till death do us apart” are the most exaggerated statements that revolved around us since childhood.No body in this world can be drenched in love and happiness 24/7 with each other and practically it does not work in that manner and to be very honest you are not bound to do that.After all we have conflicts in our own mind sometimes and we do hate ourselves at times ,so stop falling into the trap of heavenly marriage concept assuming that your partner would salvage you from hurricane of distress.

2It’s not about how much you fight…. it is all about how fast you resolve.

Arguments and disagreements are part of any close relationship,we do have conflicts with our friends,parents and colleagues too.But the severity of the situation depends upon how deep is our relation with the other person,as we are very close to our partner we do react in a greater extent  because we expect and we love them but you also need to realize that the faster you resolve the brighter your life is.

3-Compromising doesn’t mean giving upon your own self.Sometimes marriage is about compromises and conscious sacrifices too,but being pragmatic that it would benefit your family and yourself in a flourishing way in the near future is something you need to think about.But constant sacrifices from only one partner are not suggestible….then comes to your rescue is the saver “Negotiation”.Yes negotiating is an effective process of communication to convey your feelings with your partner by exposing your intentions with out hurting both the parties.

4-Grow together and flourish together.

This is one of the most eminent tip for any successful marriage.To emphasize this statement briefly you need to acknowledge and evolve for one another gradually in a constructive way.Giving space and complimenting for each other’s success and failures is the key to any happy relationship.Celebrating and supporting mutually will enhance the marriage in a rewarding manner.

5-Never entertain the third party

Most of the couples commit mistake by degrading your partner in front of your family,friends and close people.Remember humiliating your partner is also about downgrading your own self,no body is bloody perfect in this world….we all have our own imperfections so before you judge and form your opinions its always suggestible to think twice.Every relationship has issues……….its all about your way to communicate and sort out the differences with out letting the third person involving in your marriage(which sometimes is unavoidable in extreme scenarios)

“All I wanted to tell you is that though its exaggerated……. marriage is one of the most beautiful bond in this world,it requires constant effort,participation,inspiration,compromises everything……. but when you realize its importance that you got one annoying person who humiliates,love,care,understand,ignore,fight,cry,confuse,have children,who grows old with you………..that is one of the best enriched feeling in this world”




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Tell me how many times a day do we judge others????or may be become a victim of others judgments??

Judging and forming your own impressions based on examples like-

Appearances-“Oh look she is so fat….I guess she doesn’t work out or she is a lazy bum”(As if you are feeding your own food” (You never know and understand how desperately she is struggling hard to loose those extra pounds)

profile pics-“I am sure this photo of his is photo shopped,no way he could be so handsome” (Are you  his make up artist????)

Jobs-“He deserves the low paid job…. he is a lazy bug,he doesn’t work hard”(Tell me are you paying his bills???)

“Do you know she is very good at buttering her boss…that is the reason for her successful career”(Did you sponsored for her education????)

Housewife-“Oh God why the hell she can’t work???She is enjoying her husband’s money….My god I can’t be so relaxed as her”(Tell me is she enjoying your husband’s money???She has a luxury to choose….why do you howl at some one’s life???May be she is battling  her own combats inside her head…who knows??)

Broken marriages-“All is her/his fault…..they  could have work on their relationship with some patience may be”(Do you know how many scars and bruises are on her/his soul….the most difficult painful thing in this world is to give upon one’s own marriage)

Color of skin-Assessing prompt conclusions based on their color of skin and discriminating people’s behavior solely through superficial impressions (Remember no one chooses their own skin color,race,blood-why do people judge some one’s character based on their skin color???)

Judging by the Luxury brands-Dressing up in branded clothes,handbags,watches doesn’t define your value.Yes of course they enhances your outer look but what about your inner self???

Does the same iphone x,branded watch that you purchased gives you the same amount of happiness even after a year also??

“Remember Your self worth is not determined by your net worth”

And the list goes on and on….

There is a famous quote I would like to share with you guys-

“Counting other people’s sins does not make you a saint”

All I wanted to tell you is that-

“Judging other people is some times  an involuntary reflex and inevitable too at certain junctures…..….it is acceptable until it does not negatively influence other people’s life and most importantly your own life.When you scan your thoughts deeply you realize that one’s own fears,insecurities,negativity,flaws,dislikes,lack of courage,your jealous nature come into picture when you start judging others”

“Give opinions but not  judgements”

“Don’t confine your impressions based on your own limited perceptions of what you see.Every one has their own untold stories,surviving daily struggles,battling with their own existence.There is already so much of hatred in this world,let your good heart and kindness light up some one’s life”





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Toxic effects of Emotional abuse !!!!

“You are being too emotional”

“Darling you are very sensitive”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it sweetheart,I don’t mean in that sense”

“You probably have a rough child hood”

Any behavior/action which is designed to control,misuse,intimidate,hurt repeatedly and intentionally affecting the emotional well being of an individual is called as EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

This form of abuse solely doesn’t stick only to your partner,this can be from your family,colleagues,friends,siblings,relatives and your loved ones.It cannot be overlooked,brushed off under the carpet nor denied.

Major red flags of Emotional abuse-

  1. They make you feel vulnerable and mock you most of the times.
  2. Never respect your boundaries.
  3. They make you feel stupid/foolish with their hurtful,demeaning jokes which makes you doubt your self worth.
  4. Everything is one-sided.It’s always you who compromises,tackles and deal with most of the situations.
  5. You feel shame/guilt in all circumstances.
  6. They love controlling you.It can be financial or emotional too and be very dominating.
  7. Disregards your opinions and needs.Very Judgmental and manipulative.
  8. Never acknowledge your problems.
  9. Lack empathy and compassion.
  10. They seem like most innocent,caring,loving person in your life once the abusive incident subsides.
  11. They damage your belief systems.

These are only few red flags that can give you a brief overview of the behavior of an abusive person.

Now the best part is How to deal with these kind of people????

1No blame game


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Remember you are not the culprit.Most importantly “Don’t blame yourself….Just simply remind yourself that you are a kind person reacting to unkind situations”

Don’t confine yourself to the cage of abuse.It’s not about you…it is only their insecurities,flaws they are projecting towards you.

“Just because you love them doesn’t mean they can treat you like a douche bag”

2-Shift the focal point on you-


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Even after being compassionate,empathetic,forgiving towards abusers they generally never change,they still remain as the same stupid jerks most of the times.It is a cycle that is repeated in the same way with a clear pattern.Be practical that emotional abusers can not be changed very easily.Then the only quick fix would be shifting your attention and focus on your own self.

Work on your deeper core values and come into terms that you still have time and possibility to become the master of your own destiny only if you are able to realize that you don’t deserve any kind of abuse.

3-Stand up for your self-


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If you don’t stand up for your self the abuse never stops.Act rational not emotional when you are reacting to your abuser.Let your affirmations be clear,calm,confident and powerful.Let them know that you are not ready to accept their mean behavior and don’t let them handle your power.

4-Legal help-

Seek the help from professionals,family counselling,local community or your family/friends when you feel the abuse is outrageous and out of control.Never hesitate to look for support if needed.Of course it takes time to re-build your self after abuse but there is always a possibility of hope to overcome your pain rather than suffering in silence.

5-Leave them/Set your boundaries-


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If nothing above works you always have an option to leave them/cut ties with them completely forever.There is no mandatory rule that you need to continue the abusive relationship if its suffocating you. Setting up boundaries will definitely reduce the encounters with the abusers.Never feel guilty saying NO if required.Don’t let their emotions ruin your life.

“Remember you can always get through it”




Stop comparing yourself to others!!!!!

Tell me how many times a day you compare yourself to others regarding your job,financial status,physical appearance,wealthy life style,pay checks,colleagues expensive sports car,home size,number of likes,followers and the list goes on right?????

We frequently compare our lives with others and that is exquisitely acceptable if it motivates us to progress better and boost our efficiencies in a positive significant manner.So comparison makes us competitive in a good sense and it has its own pros if you perceive it in a constructive way.Even comparing our lives to people less fortunate than us will definitely help us develop compassion and empathy in our life and contributes to count our blessings and implement gratitude in one’s own life.

Now the catastrophic outlook of comparison is when it is detrimental and sabotage our self esteem and confidence finally leading to resentments which is the worst case of the comparison trap.

Do you think is it realistic to stop comparing ourselves and get rid off all our insecurities right away instantly???

My answer would be YES only if you could do your self a favor by reading these 3 effective suggestions below and implementing them in your daily life-

1-Being happy with yourself-



Let me tell you that being happy with our self is one of the key element to wipe out the negativity of comparison trap.When you are completely happy in being your self then what is the need of comparing your life with others.Think about it.

Ask this question to your self as you read this”Yes why should I compare my life to him/her if I am happy with my self???”

Being happy doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is pleasant in your life it only means that you have upgraded your self to look beyond all your imperfections.Be consistent with your own self and be happy and remember that you have all the power to choose what you want to accept and what you want to let go in life.

Remember Inner contentment always brings peace.


2-Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude!!!!


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Gratitude is not over rated it is some thing which will work wonders if you follow in life.Being content is always helpful but when it comes to comparing our lives with others we often fall into its trap and ignore our virtuous blessings,so be thankful for who you are and your beautiful amazing life.

Having gratitude towards your life will compliment your well being and success.

For an instance take a white paper and write down all  of those tiny blessings and good things in your life by mentioning your positive traits too and now stick it on the wall for 7 days.Please read them daily after you wake up in the early morning systematically with devotion.

List out all your strengths….. for example-

  • “May be you cannot write wonderful poetry like your friend but you can sing amazingly”
  • May be you don’t earn millions of bucks like your school mate but you have a compassionate heart which is very much needed these days”
  • “May be you don’t have that beach body of the girl /celebrity body you see on social media but you have that gusto to achieve it(At least you have a positive aspiration)

Retrieve all your minor positive details and observe the divine act showing its miracles.

3-Self awareness-



Self awareness is also one of the important factor to help you to stop comparing our selves to others.Introspection and ability to recognize one own self will help us to have a clear perception about our strengths,flaws,insecurities which will in course of time helps us in mastering our own life.

Pay attention to your thoughts,let them flow and take control of them and in course of time tame them becoming your own master in a positive way.Learn from your mistakes and be aware of your inner self always.Treat your self like a child.

“Try to expel yourself from perceived limitations of your mind and let your life be filled with good spirits and great joy”

I hope this helps!!!!!!!!




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