P.s-Not everyone is blessed with a wonderful and understanding family.Sometimes it’s the other way round but there is always a key to every puzzle…..The below suggestions will undoubtedly help you to handle and how to get yourself involved yet disconnected in those toxic situations.
Its been a month that I had met Elena(she is my close friend from my previous work place)……dressed up in her all time favorite best coral pink blazer with her infectious happy smile…..I saw her walking towards me with a big happy broad affable grin on her face.But I could sense something was dubious when she hugged me….Being raised as a youngest daughter in her family she is a sensitive,quiet and emotional kid raised by a toxic narcissist mother.
Even after getting happily married to the love of her life,extremely successful in her career she still grapple from the noxious fumes soaring out of her bruised toxic relation with her mother.
Even after many sessions of counselling with the family counselor her mother’s never ending criticism,breaking the boundaries with her emotional quirks and judging about her daughters financial income has become very stressful and exasperate for her to handle.
“Honey you are not so efficient,you dropped out of your college because you could not handle it,you are not like your brother (The all time successful golden child)”
Christine has done her bachelors in medicine,she is a good student and always wanted to pursue her masters….finally when her husband promised her to help with her educational finances (only on the term she would pay him back)she was immensely happy for her dream.With high spirits and hopeful anticipations she attended her two semesters despite of all the hustle bustle.
But suddenly she dropped out of her college and vanished entirely from the sight.
When I met her at a reunion she pointed out an interesting element in our conversation that…….she was not so upset that she couldn’t continue her studies but the zenith agony was her parents’s hurtful behavior and derogatory comments that she failed in her life.
The only thing she told me was-
“She dropped out of the college not because she couldn’t handle the stress(The misconception her mother seeded in her self deeply)…its only because she could not handle the finances for her college”
Eva is raised in a religious family from childhood.she has a sibling who never miss a single opportunity to mock and twist the words and throw back and disrespect her.Confessing with her parents never ease or help her situation.She was bullied emotionally and presume that she deserves to be treated that way.
There could be hundreds of scenarios like these but if you analyse carefully these 3 people’s life and when I asked them the only question “Do you hate your family……For treating you so meanly????”
The only answer they told me firmly was “NO” but they are upset about the influence of its grey shades on their personal life.
We often come across flocks of suggestions on how to deal with a toxic parent/toxic family/Toxic siblings…….Despite of setting the boundaries and failing in dealing with the concept of estrangement and counselling,loving friends support and hell lot of options I would like to suggest you 3 most successful and effective proven ways to handle toxic family member when you really cannot cut the ties completely.
“They give you shit because you take that shit”
It’s a brutal honest truth,no matter even if you agree or not.Start implementing this method from now on…..duration of your contact is a key factor in determining your existing ball game.
Cut down the duration of contact and try to minimize the amount of entertaining their conversations…..it will work,this is damn validly effective….. just give it a try and notice the difference.
2-SHUT DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS-
Be polite and shut down your thought process.Once you realize and conclude that you wanted the toxic family member in your life and guard yourself from their vengeance,one of the best option is to cease down your neural processes.
Next time if they try to communicate nonsense discussions allow your inner voice to buzz SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN SHUT DOWN.
Arguments and discussions with toxic people mostly never work as you can conclude from your previous experiences.
Consciously command your own self that their perceptions will not sabotage your inner peace and don’t take their words seriously.
3-POP OUT FROM YOUR MIRACLE BUBBLE-
Stop anticipating that things will change and everything will be perfect someday.You are lucky enough if it happens but if doesn’t then you really need to get a grip on yourself.They haven’t changed since many long years…..the probability of your toxic family changing is minute zero percentage.So never allow yourself to fall into false assumptions……get a grip on yourself……family is a term which is sometimes over exaggerated and over-hyped.
It’s perfectly fine to distance your self from toxic people even if they are your own family.
“Just because your toxic parent/toxic sibling is behaving meanly doesn’t mean that they can define who you are.It is painful and vulnerable sometimes of course but remember you always have an option to choose or at worst strive to minimise their influences on you.Remember you can never control their actions but you always have the ability to control your reaction”
All rights reserved